it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
