Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
