Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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