Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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