i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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