Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
