the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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