Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
