i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
