It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
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He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
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Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.