My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.