just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO