PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.