It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
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This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
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Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.