Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship