we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
