Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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