I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
this hospital has no fireball
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .