you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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