this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram