I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?