some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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