i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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