Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize