Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
