apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
