Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
