so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
We are two peas in an std pod
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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