we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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