i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
