Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
