At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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