God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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