And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Let's get the cat blown out
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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