woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
