I just pynch a tree in the face
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
