pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
