I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
this hospital has no fireball
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
