I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Randomize
