I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
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Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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