with your own penis?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
