I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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