I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
