I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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