Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
