Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
