I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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