so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
