Whod you bang
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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