Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
