I am puke
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
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There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
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The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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