I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
