dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
