im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
