hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
