Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
