I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
