Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
