She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
