You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
