i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
