Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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