i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
