I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
