"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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