I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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