I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
