I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
