He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
