I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
