don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
So vagazzling was a success
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
