Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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