I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
