do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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