I should be sponsored by Trojan
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
