Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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