Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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