Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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