My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
