Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
