I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
