you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
