I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
