We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
